Weekly Roundup! Volume 5 (7/19/24)
A menagerie of noteworthy Notes: Celebrity Edition!
Greetings, and welcome to the latest (annual?) installment of Weekly Roundup! That’s right: it’s back by popular demand, baby! Don’t worry: it’s the good kind of roundup, not the bad kind of Roundup™. Yes, I’m keeping that joke in here for the Time Being because I really hate Monsanto and the FDA.
I am switching things up a bit this time, though, with a celebrity edition! The notes here are all my versions of speeches from people who have been in the news lately. I challenge you to try to not read them in their celebrity voices… if you dare mwahaha
Now, without further ado, let’s get them doggies rollin’!
Notes of note:
Joseph “Glossolalia” Biden heals and unites a divided nation
Donald “Bullet Dodger” Trump campaigns against Nyarlathotep
Jordan “Benzo Shapiro” Peterson chastises Batman1
Jordan “Benzo Shapiro” Peterson chastises Cthulhu2
That’s all she wrote, folks!
A huge thanks to all of the people who contributed to the notes above. I am usually just clumsily riffing off of far funnier, far more interesting comments from legends like
Also, now that I’ve finally cannonballed into the podcast pool with my good buddy , I may even look into recording audio versions of these celebrity speeches down the line since it seems like people enjoyed them. Let me know if that is something you’d get a kick out of, and, more importantly, have a great weekend!
Yes, I know many people have been helped by Jordan Peterson and like the man. I celebrate any such case. The notes embedded here are jokes. If you find them offensive or are curious about my actual thoughts regarding the good doctor, I encourage you to click on the “Benzo Shapiro” link and read my relevant responses in that thread. If you are still angry at any of the jokes—about anybody, for that matter—then I am afraid that “you don’t get the show!” I wish you well.
Astute readers may be noticing that I really just lazily plug various buzzwords into this formulaic, Jordan Peterson Mad Libs I’ve created in mind Jordan Peterson has a rather distinct speech pattern.
God, I hate all politicians, but I love Trump's way of speaking, even in your satire.
Anyone who makes reference to the Cthulhu Mythos (or Cthulhu himself) is a friend of mine. For those unfamiliar with Lovecraft, his stories THE MUSIC OF ERICH ZANN and THE SHADOW OVER INNSMOUTH are my favorites.
How do we summarize this past week? Kimberly Cheatle failed in her first attempt to murder President Trump. She still has six months to complete her primary directive.