Joey’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

A couple reminders. Also, I may be wrong.

The last few weeks have been a real malarkey storm for Joe Biden.

His legendary debate performance the other day sent shockwaves across our societal psychosis, disturbing even the Dem Faithful in ways that I would have thought nigh-impossible.

The subsequent scrambling to console and corral the confused flock was quite a sight to behold. I wrote about it in the following article, questioning whether or not the Party may need to retune the Faithful to an updated “Maximal Level of Processable Delusion.”

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In fact, the Party response was so startling that I had to re-evaluate another article I had been parading out again recently for a bit of a victory lap. I have long since said that in our current milieu candidate quality does not matter for reasons you can read about below.

However, was I wrong? (Perish the thought! Haha!) Had Joe Biden sunk to such hadal, abyssal depths¹ that candidate quality was actually going to become an issue!?

Well, to answer that, let’s check back in on ol’ Joe, shall we?

Hot on the heels of his historic debate, the Scranton Kid told his doubters to hold his prune juice as he embarked on an Eras-level tour (in Joey’s case, going back the late Mesozoic Era) designed to razzle-dazzle the public with his oratory brilliance and silence those crazy conspiracy theorists who preposterously claimed to have “heard him talk” or “seen him stumbling around like a baby giraffe” or some such MAGA extremist nonsense.² And, by Jove, within a span of hours, Scrappy Joe managed to up the ante with a stunning one-two punch to wow the nation—nay, the world!—anew yesterday.

1. Joey referred to Military-Industrial Complex darling, Hero of Democracy, Ghost of Snake Island Kiev, and penis piano playing phenom Voldemort Zelensky as the real Voldemort: “President Putin.”

2. Joey said that Donald “The Real Voldemort” Trump was his vice president.
   

Worst of all, he misgendered Donnie in the process. (I am very happy to report that my spellcheck does not recognize “misgendered” as a word. Good job, transphobic Skynet!)

In light of these amazing developments, I wanted to offer a couple of friendly reminders.

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“Who is Number One?” A scene from the finale of The Prisoner

Reminder #1: It doesn’t matter who is the Democrat president once elected.

This is subtly separate from the candidate question. All the handwringing around Joe’s candidacy has absolutely nothing—zero, zilch, nada—with his ability to lead, or lack thereof.

It is only about whether or not the Uniparty can trick enough suckers into voting for their candidate so they can keep control of that office, like leaving a single army in a territory for the Risk fans out there. Even if candidate quality is to matter (and that is a yuge “if”), it would cease to do so the instant said candidate was installed in office.

If a schmuck is chosen to be the Democrat candidate (and in most years, the execrable Republican candidate), it is already established that they will do what they are told by the Party archons. The candidate will exert zero influence over policy. They are chosen simply on whether or not the proles like them enough to facilitate the dopamine-inducing illusion of participation and representation in our rigged election system. (I am not saying we cannot get legitimate victors out of our system. Only that it can be difficult to do so, and that the difficulty generally increases proportionally as you scale up to federal offices and introduce unorthodox candidates.)

This spectacle around replacing or keeping Joe is largely the “circenses” of Juvenal’s “panem et circenses.” Sound and fury signifying nothing. I know, I get wrapped up in it too. I’m writing this right now! Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa. They do it for a reason: it works.

But, whomever the Uniparty installs is just a figurehead once in the Oval Office. It doesn’t matter if it is Bazooka Joe, Kamala Khan, Killary, Big Mike, Neocon Nicki, Patrick Bateman… whoever it is just is going to push the same Uniparty pabulum and policies. The Party and its various ______-Industrial Complexes will march on exactly the same. The Uniparty just needs one of their people in the seat. It could be anyone or anything. Case in point: Oatmeal Brains Biden.

The only reason this election matters at all is because Trump is actually the rare individual who may not march in complete lockstep with the Uniparty, which is why the entire deep state political theater, lawfare, mockingbird mainstream and antisocial media censorship apparatus is being weaponized against America’s portly pornstar-lovin’ protagonist.

No, Donnie is not some savior or paragon of virtue—not by a New York mile—but he does have a Taken-esque special set of skills that make him a nightmare for the deep state.³

And, sure, even that could be wrong. He could be in on the ruse or controlled op or any such thing. I could be being duped! You are, of course, free to do the calculus around that yourself, just as I have, and for my money The Don is a demonstrably better option than the alternative. He is by far the the best president of my lifetime, but I suppose that is damning with faint praise.

Regardless, do not think for a second that if the Dems win it will matter—at all—who is sitting in the Oval Office.

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I said this in one of my first articles: Trump is Emmanuel Goldstein

Reminder #2: The bedrock of the Dem Faithful’s belief system—more fundamental and unshakable than protecting their children; than their own senses, sanity and ego; than their very own existence—is that TRUMP IS UNIQUELY EVIL AND MUST BE STOPPED.

They are completely incapable of questioning or changing this belief. They may even be emotionally, intellectually incapable of looking at the belief at all. It is too big, too powerful, too blinding, like trying to stare directly at the sun.

This is, of course, completely insane. Even if you were nuts enough to think this before 2016, we’ve since had basically full terms for both Trump and Biden. Trump’s administration did not do anything resembling the kind of authoritarian nonsense that we are assured he will super-duper-definitely do next time, or that the Biden administration is actively doing. Right now. As we speak.

You may think I am joking or exaggerating or just plain wrong about the degree of fanaticism at play here. But I am none of those things. I cannot overstate, nor can the average person comprehend, the religious zeal with which the cultists detest and dread Trump, and the desperation with which they seek to destroy him. Tragically, I know people like this. I have friends like this. I will refrain from delving into details, but some of the things I have heard from friends and family with my own two ears are truly staggering. I have observed the phenomenon both personally and writ large. Judging from our interactions in the comments sections and in Notes, I suspect you have too.

You may not be able to fully understand this thought process, to put yourself in that mindset, but the sooner you accept it exists, the sooner Dem Faithful behavior makes sense. The Party need offer them nothing. The Party can abuse or deceive them at will. Nothing will unmoor their metaphysical certitude that Trump is uniquely evil and must be stopped.

To be clear, this diagnosis need not apply to someone just because she or he happens to be on “the Left,” or an old-school Liberal, or a progressive, or aligned with Democrat platforms in the past, or dislikes Trump, or opposes his policies, et cetera, et cetera… I have no issue agreeing to disagree with people who choose to vote for a third-party candidate—or not to vote at all—for such reasons. I am not talking about those people. No, this is the exclusive domain of the true Dem Faithful, the face-shield and triple-maskers who still think Trump praised Nazis and led an insurrection, that Hunter Biden’s laptop was Russian disinfo, people who uncritically imbibe Joy Reid-Behar and think listening to NPR on the way to grab a Mocha Fapalottacino at Starbucks and a fourteenth booster at the Walgreens makes them a member of the Global Brain Trust.

Basically, Sam Harris.

Lunatics, yes, but these are the loonies running the asylum at the moment.

Of course, there are also people who have a dangerously pathological obsession with and slavish, cultish devotion to Donald Trump as well. This is also extremely bad. But, they are not nearly as common as the Dem Faithful have been programmed to believe. Plus, there is no shortage of stories in the MSM lambasting the people who tragically fall into this category.

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With all that in mind, has the Weekend at Bernie’s farce that is Joe Biden’s “presidency” finally reached a level of unrelenting irrefragability so egregious that candidate quality does matter!?

I rate that claim a resounding:

We are getting new developments in this ongoing saga daily, if not hourly in the case of Joey’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad yesterday. It seemed for a moment there that the Party was indeed going to initiate a Synchronization Ritual to recalibrate around a (relatively) more palatable candidate for the proles. If anyone could prove me wrong, it would be Joey.

However, the usually monolithic Party appears to be divided on how to proceed, struggling to conceal internecine strife between its various factions. Not the least of which is the Scranton Kid himself. Seeing how long he has miraculously managed to keep his death grip on the levers of power, I wouldn’t count out the old dog yet. And no matter how clearly demented the candidate may be, I would still not count out the Dem Faithfuls’ ability to vote for whatever dimensional shambler the Party presents them… anyway…

1. Shout out to

Koshmarov

whose excellent vocabulary got the word “hadal” stuck in my head the other day.

2. I contend that the White House would do well to lean into all of these “gaffes” and create a fun, adorable, new cartoon mascot called “the Gaffe Giraffe” to parade out every time Biden falls up some stairs or starts somnolently scatting some glossolalia-level gibberish. Think of Geoffrey from Toys “R” Us. See? You’re smilin’ already! Plus, it would give Joey’s handlers an excuse to have a conveniently placed staffer in an anthropomorphic animal suit around to help bail out a confused Joey regardless of the season, as we’ve already seen how helpful the Easter Bunny can be in this role.

3. Fear not, loyal readers! I will publish an article eventually going into more detail as to why I am enthusiastically endorsing my man Donnie again this election cycle.