Happy Black History Month!

A Letter from the Woke: Hindsight is 20/20

Now that the United States has entered the annual scholastic segregation that is Black History Month (which strikes some as decidedly separate and unequal), many Americans are also looking back to the distant-past promises of 2020 and wondering why the Biden-Harris administration has failed to follow up with supporters like BLM. (Not that forgetting such things is anything new, really.¹)

This calls to mind a message intercepted via orbital brain scan laser back in mid-2020. It shows the thoughts—pasted below for your perusal—of a typical Wokester relishing the self-righteous faux advocacy and doublethink that lie ahead following the death of George Floyd.² It proved quite prescient.

Initializing brain scan data transmission in 3… 2… 1…

A BLM mob menaces a diner in Washington, D.C.

---

Dear World,

Good news! I found a new cause to glom onto with my bored, useless slacktivism in order to imbue my life with some fleeting sense of meaning and moral superiority.

Sure, I was laughing at red-state rubes whose lives and families were being destroyed by draconian lockdowns for daring to even question Dr. Fauci as the Supreme Policy Maker, while I now race out to join massive, mostly-peaceful mosh pits, create deadly disease vectors, and blithely violate those same lockdowns to champion the latest media narrative. Suuure, I applauded when my lord and savior Cuomo said the disease is death and nothing is worse than death. Suuuuure, the lockdown increased mental illness, substance abuse, domestic violence, unemployment, suicides, yada yada yada but that's all just "My sToNks!" LOL Grow up, capitalist snowflakes!

Yes, we denied people the right to be with their loved ones as they died, terrified and alone, in hospitals. Yesss, I screamed at people about how it was selfish to leave the house and you'd kill innocent people and the disease disproportionately affects helpless grandmas and black communities. Yesssss, now I will squeal “But a man died!” and stand on his grave to justify my hypocrisy, even though I sat around watching Tiger King and playing Animal Crossing while other black people like Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor were gunned down in cold blood.

But hey, this one has a video! Yeah, I guess Philando Castile died on camera as his girlfriend and her four-year-old daughter watched on in horror and were treated like criminals by the police. But, meh, now Twitter has a hashtag! So, now it is real and urgent. I want to score that honorary Social Justice Warrior keyboard badge, and everything that happened before now is as irrelevant as whatever comes next in my deluded, Orwellian, nightmarescape of a mind. And may Lord Cuomo help you if you take a moment to even dare examine the situation and plot a safe and effective way to improve everyone's life while fighting injustice because then you are obviously super-duper racist.

When you are upset, I will lecture you about Science and Logic, and when I am upset, I will shriek that now is not the time for such frivolities as Science and Logic 'cause I am busy tweeting out support for genuinely aggrieved, righteous protestors and opportunistic, selfish looters alike as they spread a deadly plague amongst themselves and then bring it back to their innocent friends and families so we can get back to those astronomical early death toll predictions, and, heck, if we're lucky boot up Lockdown 2.0 so I can go back to scolding red-state rubes who refuse to listen to reason. Or it'll turn out that was all a bunch of fear-mongering, in which case fuck Trump anyway.

Yours truly,

W.O. Keyes

P.S. #blm #antifa #acab

Sent from my iPhone

1. Speaking of nothing new under the sun, this post itself is actually one of the first articles I ever uploaded to Substack back on February 15, 2021, when I had approximately zero subscribers haha.

KW NORTON

and

Timothy Andrew Staples/pop122

kindly commented on the original, for which I am eternally grateful. With Black History Month coming around again—and the Biden-Harris administration under rightly renewed scrutiny from prominent black individuals—I revisited the article and realized that it held up tragically well today as a continued critique of Woke white zombies (who suck, unlike the band or film White Zombie, both of which rock) and also as an archive of the sheer lunacy and horror that took place during 2020. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. Of course, there are some issues here on which I’ve updated my view since then, but nonetheless I’ve decided to humbly reissue the article (essentially) as-is for you consideration.

2. Just to be clear, I don’t actually have an orbital brain scan laser… yet! The “letter” here is satire. It is, however—like many great horror films—inspired by actual events and real people.